Courage, Dear Heart

There are many times in life where fear becomes a mighty fortress in my life, holding me captive though I want to break free. I never was one to possess a great deal of bravery. I was afraid of many things; darkness, loneliness, or being abandoned, cages, numbness, and even more afraid of having no means to control what was happening in my life.

If something upset my little world, I wanted to fix it, and fix it damn fast. If something upset a loved one’s world, I wanted to fix it as well.

If I could do nothing to control the storms in my life, fear came in and swept over me, capturing me in iron-clad talons. A cage I am very scared of.

Continue reading “Courage, Dear Heart”

When Was The Last Time

“You’re starting to lose the magic.”

“Excuse you?” She looked up at him, raised her eyebrows up a notch.

“Tell me, when was the last time you randomly walk into a flower shop? When was the last time you spend your time watching the sky turning from yolky orange into an indigo dusk? When was the last time you sit in a coffee shop, staring at all those passing cars outside and thinking about dusty dawn?”

Alaska paused. She opened her mouth but none came out of it. She inhaled deeply and stutters, “I…I don’t know what to say.”

“Do you remember you used to talk poetry? You used to listen with your ears, your eyes, and your heart. You were a wizard with the pointy hat from across the road, happily playing with those cats and raindrops, you used to wave away your wand, saying hi to every passerby. You used to smile at strangers,” he continued as she stares blankly at the sky, avoiding his gaze.

Continue reading “When Was The Last Time”

I Am Ready To Talk About My Semicolon Tattoo

A few years ago, I first became aware of what was being called agitated depression.” It was my own most challenging struggles and the first ring of hell with clinical depression. It took me so much closer to the fire of self-hating/loathing, the desire to do yourself harm, and thoughts of suicide. The agitated piece is the anxiety and panic attacks.

Once I was clinically diagnosed with anxiety, I started to pop anti-depressants every morning with a breakfast I could barely stomach. I had to leave some lives I’d wanted because of my stress. Depression took a lot from me, but the most tragic thing is the way I could not bring it up to anyone. I told almost no one about what has been going on just because I didn’t have the courage to. I battled it on my own everyday, until I degradingly distanced my self with my friends and families.

Now this doesn’t mean that I have been depressed for my entire life, that isn’t how it works. It simply means that for as long as I can remember, I have experienced periods of depression of varying lengths. And that for as long as I can remember, I’ve lived in fear of those times.

Continue reading “I Am Ready To Talk About My Semicolon Tattoo”

An Introvert’s Guide to Present Yourself In A Meeting or Conference

Here’s a blunt confession: I am an introvert.

AN INTOVERT's GUIDE

“But you are a Brand Strategist who designs strategic plans for brand’s communication. You work in the field that requires you to do a lot of talking, you go on meetings a lot, you have to be a people person to be in communications!”

Not true. It’s my job to tell stories, deliver the message, and help connect the dots for people. It’s not my job to be the life of the party.

Continue reading “An Introvert’s Guide to Present Yourself In A Meeting or Conference”

Sent From A Galaxy Far, Far Away

“Sent from my Iphone”

It began as a humblebrag and an excuse. It meant, “I am using an expensive mobile device to send this email, so please don’t judge my spelling errors, lack of punctuation, or clipped sentences.”

Yes, I am talking about email signatures.

These signatures, automatically generated, would not have been an auspicious place to look for creativity or wry humour. And yet, it seems like every other day I come across someone who has crafted a little message that says and does a lot more than beg forgiveness and flaunt status.

Continue reading “Sent From A Galaxy Far, Far Away”

The Girl at The Café, A Short Story

The girl at the café didn’t notice me at first. She didn’t realize that I lived right around the corner and that I stopped by almost every day after work to stock up on enough caffeine or sometimes beers to get me through my homework, if not the evening as a whole. Sometimes I brought a friend or two along and we’d put our heads together and power through whatever new horror our bosses had assigned us that day. But I always seemed to get sidetracked and I’d prop my chin up in one hand and send more than subtle glances in her direction as the girl at the café steamed milk and stirred lattes, every now and then smiling her gentle, off-hand smile. It seemed like everyone knew, that everyone had heard how one day she would look over and see me and I’d walk right up to her and tell her how beautiful she was and how she haunted all my waking dreams with her quiet, mysterious air and deep green, thoughtful eyes. Although it didn’t exactly happen that way, it was pure chance the day we met, for even then she didn’t believe in fate.

“You come here a lot, don’t you?” I can’t help but say that I nearly choked on my Guiness Black Lager. She was speaking to me, noticing me, acknowledging my existence! And as I have yet to assume otherwise that people do anything but splutter like an idiot when first interacting with the love of their life, I feel like I set a good first example.

Continue reading “The Girl at The Café, A Short Story”

We Always Want What We Ain’t Got

You know what?

I want to end hunger. I want world peace. I want to go space traveling. I want to get drunk and get lost in the city that no one knows my name. I want to go for a walk to the park and sleep and just looking at the sky while listening to the humming voice from the stranger next to me.

I wish the world didn’t move so fast. I wish we had the patience to listen to one another for once, to actually listen instead of gazing blankly at walls and nodding and not caring very much at all.

We are so busy trying to live lives consumed by other people’s ideals and expectations that we forget what makes us happy.

Continue reading “We Always Want What We Ain’t Got”